Haven is a Girls middle school youth group held at Holy Martyrs.

Contact the church office to learn more.


Haven Questions Fall 2019


October 1, 2019

  1. I’ve been hatred of someone.

Luke 6:27-36 English Standard Version (ESV)

Love Your Enemies

27 “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. 29 To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic[a] either. 30 Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. 31 And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.

32 “If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners to get back the same amount. 35 But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. 36 Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

  1. Will haven and kepa students get together?

Keep coming to Haven to find out!

  1. Are we going to be going over dos and don’ts in church?

That is a great idea! We will go over Do’s & Don’ts of our time in adoration. We will also write them down for reference!

Do genuflect (kneel & do the sign of the cross) when entering & exiting a church.

Do remain quiet, prayerful, & reverent

  • Read a religious book

  • Pray the rosary

  • Write in a prayer journal

  • Write a question

  • Write an intention

  • Go to confession when available

Don’t distract/disrupt the people around you

Don’t go on your phone

Don’t go to the bathroom (unless in cases of emergency)

  1. Can we have rosaries in the church during adoration?

Yes! In fact your leaders are working on creating a Haven library! That way you guys can have access to religious books & rosaries in the church!

  1. What does God Stand for, like the word?

God doesn’t stand for anything in specific – it’s just the name that we call our Lord!

  1. Dear family, I don’t know how to stop being mean to siblings and family. I feel like I’m not good enough.

Sometimes it’s hard to get along with our families. Our parents can put a lot of pressure on us which can cause us to react towards them with anger, and sometimes our siblings can stress us out which causes us to be mean to them. Try to have patience when it comes to your family. Instead of reacting towards them with anger when they make you mad, take a moment to pause, take a deep breath, and say a quick prayer before you respond. The only way to be more patient and try to control your temper is through God. Ask Him for His help whenever you feel you’re going to say or do something mean. You ARE good enough! God created you in His image and likeness and He loves you no matter what you’re struggling with, whether that’s your self-control, temper, or confidence. And remember, your family always loves you no matter what.

  1. How to stop overthinking (can this be one of the talks)?

Whenever you are overthinking a situation or feeling just stop in your tracks and give your worry to God. Instead of overthinking – talk about your problems with God or try to occupy your mind with something positive to shake that feeling. For the talk – we will be having a talk on anxiety!

  1. Can you please help me find God more in me?

Of course that is what we are here for! However, everyone finds God in a different way. To help you better, feel free to reach out to a leader so that we can help you specifically!

  1. What do you do when you are having a hard time at school and you feel bad if you tell your parents?

How do you tell your parents you don’t like school? Honesty is the best policy. You should talk to your parents in a serious way and let them know that you are struggling in classes. You can always talk to one of your cousins/older siblings if your parents have a hard time understanding where you’re coming from.

  1. Everyone bullies me for my clothes. I was telling my mom to buy me cuter and better clothes but my mom said my clothes are cute. What should I do? My clothes are ugly because everyone says it.

You do not need to follow all the trends and fashion sense that everyone is following. Be unique and be yourself and do not let people judge you for what you are wearing. Wear what you have and try to rock your outfits with an accessory or with a cute color coordination or something. Your clothes are cute and unique and you should not let anyone tell you differently. Try seeing if you can go shopping with your mom to choose clothes that you would like more. There is no need to buy crazy expensive or extravagant clothes for them to be cute. Come see one of the leaders about this if you need more advice or tips on the outfit you are wearing that day. I’m sure it will be so cute though.

  1. Is it okay if I get mad at my mom for simple reasons? How do I prevent it from happening?

Understand that your mom is a human and she just wants the best for you. Try to think of and treat your mom the way Jesus thought of and treated Mother Mary. He was very patient with her and loving towards her no matter what. Sometimes we get angry and our parents annoy us, but we need to understand that they are not our basic friends or siblings and we need to respect and love them and try not to get mad at them. When they do bother us, we need to try to calm ourselves and ask God to help us control our anger and try to calmly respond to our parents. If you are getting mad at your mom for simple reasons, then try to realize what you are about to do, pray that God helps you control your anger, and try to work on not getting so mad, especially for simple reasons. Ask God for the gift of self-control and the gift of Love to control your self, your anger, and your love for your parents. They know what is best for us and they do not do/say what they do/say for no reason.

  1. What is holding me back from Jesus?

There can be many things that can be holding you back from Jesus like:

  • temptations

  • society

  • bad friends

  • sometimes going through struggles in your life, and you begin to question God

  • past sins

Each person is different, you just have to figure out what is holding you back personally.


October 8, 2019

  1. Why is it that we can’t wear leggings?

In the past semesters we allowed leggings but some girls were breaking the rules by not covering their butts fully so we made the rule to jeans only.

  1. Will we ever have nights with the boys. Not that they are cute and I want to get with them but they dont have drama so I like being friends with them.

Keep coming to Haven to find out!

  1. What do I do when I don’t know what to be?

As you get older, you’ll acquire new habits and passions, which will help you narrow down what you want to do/be in the future. However, God has a perfect plan for each and every one of us, so it is okay to not know what the future holds.

  1. Do we study about God or is Haven a place where people get closer to God?

As your leaders, our mission is to minister to you so you can develop a closer relationship with God, while also teaching you about God’s goodness. So, Haven is a place for both.

  1. Can we make skits more often on any topic we possibly can? I find them very funny and like them.

AWW, yes we will try to make as many skits as we can!

  1. If you’re a catholic and you have never had a baptism can you still go to Heaven?

Yes, if you have not been baptized you can still go to heaven. Depending on your beliefs and actions.

  1. Why can’t I be confident in myself? Why can’t I learn to get along with my sister?

You can be confident in yourself if you believe in yourself. You should stop putting all the pressure on yourself and start trusting in God. Know your worth and that you’re God’s creation. Pray to Jesus for you and your sister. We will also be praying for you.

  1. I feel lonely all the time because all my friends are fake. I try to make new friends but they think I’m not popular and not pretty. What should I do?

You don’t need friends to tell you that you’re pretty. As time goes on you’ll learn a lot from people and you’ll come to the point where you’ll know what you want in a friend. Be patient and trust in the Lord. He’s your bestest friend!

  1. Why don’t you let us wear leggings to church even if our shirts cover our butt. Leggings are extremely cheaper than jeans so we should be allowed to wear them.

We used to allow leggings but too many girls broke the rules so now it’s no leggings!

  1. Why we no where dem leggings?

We used to allow leggings but too many girls broke the rules so now it’s no leggings!

  1. How do you start a relationship with God? I mean I go to church 4 times a week but still feel far away from God and I don’t know how to get closer.

Since your foundation of attending church/mass is already firm, sources outside of the church such as reading the Bible, listening to worship music, praying the rosary, etc. can strengthen your relationship with God. However, a relationship with God is more than just feeling. Even though you feel far away from God, that does not mean He is far. God is always near and at your side, even if you feel far away from Him.


October 15, 2019

  1. Why can’t we wear leggings if we cover our butt with our shirt?

Because a lot of girls decide to not cover their butt, so were just banning them 100%.

  1. What’s so bad about wearing leggings to Haven?

It’s disrespectful to wear tight clothes like that to church. It’s not appropriate to show off your figure like that, esp in church. Who you tryna impress?

  1. How many parties are we going to have?

Keep coming to find out!

  1. Can you guys make the haven shirts the same design as the haven Leader Print? IMPORTANT

We are working on it thanks for the suggestion, we will keep that in mind

  1. Who came up with the idea “Haven” and how did you guys come all together?

Father Matthew saw a need in the youth community and got to work and that’s how Haven came about


October 22, 2019

  1. Can you please let us have leggings but wear a shirt/sweater that covers our bottom?

We have decided to ban them 100% this semester.

  1. Can we make our own skits in small groups?

That’s something we can consider doing on a night that we have longer small groups.

  1. So say you like this boy and he is in a different class than you and you just keep getting distracted and say he is all you need. What would you do?

At such a young age I would try to focus on your studies and not get so distracted in boys that it causes you not to pay attention. I would focus on school and becoming closer to my faith.

  1. Is it a sin if i want to date a boy but I don’t know if he has a girlfriend?

If you think a guy has a girlfriend & you’re not sure, you should find out. If he has a girlfriend & you continue to pursue him that’s committing adultery. (Commandment 9 – don’t covet your neighbor’s wife.) It’s also a sin to date someone without getting permission from your parents. (Commandment 5 – honor your father & mother.) The intention of dating is to potentially get married to someone, so if you’re not ready for marriage you’re not ready to date. To make sure you’re not falling into a mortal sin asses the above prior to entering a relationship.


November 5, 2019

Can He choose where we go?

No, we choose where we go. If we want Heaven we live for Heaven. God wants all His children in Heaven with Him. We choose where we go by our every action; do we choose God or sin? The choice is yours.

How do i get a better relationship with God? How do I move/avoid the temptations in the world?

We grow to have a better relationship with God through prayer. If you barely talk to God, you will never have a good relationship with God. Through prayer, God will help you fight temptations, and also grow stronger.


Why does God love us?

He loves us because He is Love. We’re made in His image, therefore we are His own.


Do you guys have any ways to make new friends that aren’t fake, rude or a bad influence?

There’s no simple solution on how to friend real friends. Throughout your life you will gain and loss friends, you just have to be yourself. Pray to God that you find a meaningful and fulfilling friendship and he will surprise you in amazing ways.


If there was only one Adam and Eve how were there different cultures and races?

Adam and Eve were the first parents, so there weren’t any different cultures and races during their time until after.


Does sin affect our future?

Sin can affect our future if we don’t repent. Meaning, if we go on sinning and not go to confession after, it can hurt our souls and our future. If we confess after sinning, we are made new and forgiven, which means we can live in peace and union with God.


Can I bring a non-chaldean friend to haven? I know she would really enjoy it

Yes of course! We support all nationalities and even religions coming to Haven!


What is purgatory? When Adam and Eve were made how did the generation turn into a race?

Purgatory is Latin for purge, which means it is a state of purification. It is where we are purified and cleansed of anything before Heaven. Nothing impure can enter Heaven, so people must be cleansed first before entering into the Kingdom. There is suffering in purgatory, but it is only temporary; after it you can only go to Heaven. After Adam and Eve, came Abraham, and God made Abraham the father of the Israelites (Jewish people), so that is how it came to be.


How do you truly pray? Is there a way like the rosary or can you just say “dear Jesus…”?

You can formally pray  (like the Our Father, Hail Mary, our Divine Mercy), or you can informally pray and just talk to God as if He is sitting next to you (because He is!) this is what we encourage you guys to write in your journals! It’s your own personal letter to God.


What if you have a boyfriend and you pray that you marry him but that’s not Gods  plan. Will he make it happen even though its not his plan?

I’m going to answer your question with a question – would you really want something to go your way, even knowing it’s not God’s plan for you? I know it’s normal to want things to go our way, especially when it comes to relationships, but the most important thing you can do is pray that the person you’re with is the right one for you and that whatever happens is through God’s will, not your own.


November 12, 2019

  1. How many more weeks of Haven are left? When is the bonfire? Is there any other programs similar to Haven that Holy Martyrs has? We have Tuesday the 3rd left only and then we have a triyouth Christmas party on Thursday December 19 from 6:00-8:30pm. The bonfire isn’t until May. The only other program is for the high schoolers MRUS.

  2. Will we have a PJ day? No, not this semester.

  3. Do we ever do whole group with the rest of the small groups? Not this semester, keep coming and we might do it again next semester.

  4. I prayed to ask God to show me a sign of if I’m marrying a certain person. In my friends class we did an activity and I got “eternal love” what does that mean? God has it written in the books as to who you will marry and whether or not that is your vocation. In the meantime continue to pray for your future husband and future life. Eternal love means a love that will last forever. Just like that of Christ’s love for us. It is forever. Long lasting. Another example of eternal love is when god gave us his only son. John 3:16

  5. I wish we could do at least one activity every week for us to learn names. I only know like 5 names and none of them are new. That is a great suggestion, we will pass it on and see what the leaders think about this! We could possibly start something like this for next semester.

  6. Can we watch more movies? Keep coming back to see what we have planned for next semester!

  7. Can we do movie night more often? Keep coming back to see what we have planned for next semester!


November 19, 2019

  1. With us being Chaldean do we have to marry a Chaldean person? Can we marry a white person but they still believe in God?

Since we are Chaldean, it is not an obligation to marry another Chaldean person, but it would be cool to marry someone that is similar to you in culture, lifestyle, and mindset. The most important thing to us when finding someone to marry is if they are Catholic because then you can share your faith with each other and you can both get each other and your kids to heaven and when you’re both Catholic, this will be both of your goals.

  1. How can I tell people that God is the right way/path to choose without being embarrassed?

Always lead by example! 1 Timothy 4:12 (ESV) “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.” People will always question why you do things but do not be ashamed of your faith. Instead of trying to convince them how to live, YOU live the right way and they will follow.

  1. How do you have courage in yourself to tell the priest all your sins even the worse ones that you’re embarrassed to say?

To be honest, it is not the priest who you are confessing to, it is God through the priest. Trust me, no matter what you confess, the priest will not remember it and he will not know exactly who it was that said that. I promise you the priests don’t talk about what people confessed to each other haha, so know that it wont get anywhere and im telling you the priest will not remember your sins or judge you for them when he sees you. He is just a middleman between you and God and you do not have to be afraid to confess through him. Your sins that might be embarrassing to say, I would say to ask the Holy Spirit to give you the courage to say them. You do not want to hold anything back from God and honestly he already knows the sin before you say it, so ask him to help you say it, so you can just let go of it and you can surrender it to him, so he can forgive you for it.

  1. What are some ways to stop being someone’s friend? I’ve been trying so hard.

You just have to be honest with the person and let them know you need your space from them.

  1. How many more weeks till the bonfire?

Bonfire? It’s freezing outside.

  1. Why is it okay for the leaders to have their phones out? Because I know that they don’t use them for prayer because every time I see them they are always texting or on Snapchat.

Honestly, we try to not use our phones for personal reasons. We are very busy with school, personal lives, or work and sometimes we have emergencies that we have to take care of. Most of the time if we are texting though, you will see us texting each other in a chat to communicate about Haven.

December 3, 2019

  1. What causes depression? What if we don’t know who to talk to? When do you answer our questions?

Depression can be caused by many things. If you don’t know who to talk to, come speak to one of your haven leaders. We are not professional therapists but we will pray for you and with you. We can also direct you to the right person and try to help you get the help you need.

We answer questions every week and upload them on the Holy Martyrs website.

  1. What should you do if you have a friend that makes you sin but in the back of your head you still want to be their friend? I need advice.

If a friend makes you sin, you should speak up and tell them what they are doing is wrong. Try to lead them in the right direction. Always remember that you are who you surround yourself with!

  1. What if someone is dating a white guy and they’re Chaldean. What if a Chaldean girl marries a white guy?

Things to remember when dating: make sure your parents are aware and know the person you are dating. Also, you date to marry that person – if you don’t plan on getting married soon, you shouldn’t be dating. There is nothing wrong with dating someone from a different ethnic group. The most important things you should be asking yourself: do you share the same morals and values? Are they a good person? Do they care about your soul? Do they make you sin? Most importantly, they should be catholic.

  1. How do I get closer to God when going through so much in my life?

Sometimes, God allows you to go through tough times so that you can let everything go and ultimately run back to Him. Spend more time in prayer and try to go to adoration. Always remember that God is with you and He will never leave you! Don’t give up and continue to depend on Him, not yourself.

  1. What do I do if a friend is mad at me because I told someone else what they told me because I thought they knew. What do I do to stop stress? I stress about anything then I cry.

Apologize to your friend, they should be forgiving. You made an honest mistake, don’t be too hard on yourself. Make this a lesson learned to just keep things between you and the person who shares personal stuff with you. If it’s an emergency and your friend needs serious help, tell an adult! Also, it’s okay to cry when you feel stressed out. Try to meditate or pray to let go of the stress.